LEARNING TO LET GO...

Why can't our children just stay young forever???  I mean is it really too much to ask?  Even though motherhood is a daunting job, I at least feel a sense of safety just knowing that my children are under my roof when they are not in school.  I am on the verge of having a daughter with a driver's permit within the year & another daughter who wants to express herself through her appearance... nothing drastic, just an earring.  However, both seem to have me white knuckling at the moment.  I realize that they are not miniature versions of myself but rather unique individuals who are trying their best to navigate through life.   It is such a fine line to walk as a parent of knowing when to say no & knowing when to let go a little even though it is scary.

Motherhood is truly a sacred journey. You experience every moment of your child's life before they are born & for several years after that. Your heart breaks every time they shed a tear or at those moments when little bits of their innocence is inevitably lost. There is so much that you want to protect them from, teach them & yet at times just simply bask in the glow of them.  I remember telling myself during those sleepless newborn nights that I would have years to sleep once they no longer needed me as much and then I would long for those nights I thought would never pass.  How quickly it passes.

I have learned that I can not take away their pain; I can only hold them while they cry & promise them that it will get better.  I have marveled at their brilliance & laughed at their mistakes. They have made me proud & surprised me at times when they do something unexpected that let's me know that somewhere deep within they ARE actually listening.

Ultimately what it all comes down to is this... I don't want them to ever leave. The thought of falling asleep at night without them here makes it hard to breathe. I love them so much that I simply can't imagine my children not filling me entire day. My dad assures me that God has a plan & that teenagers become so difficult the last year they are at home that you are actually counting down the days until they move out... We shall see.

So as I face each new day with courage I will learn to let go & trust that I have given them the tools to be the people God intends for them to be. I will say yes when my teenage daughter asks to let her drive & try not to grip the door handle so hard & let her know that she is doing a good job. I will say yes to an earring for my daughter that I wouldn't get myself & be proud of her ability to set herself apart from her sisters in her own way. I will try not to cry when I see the Barbies going into the "donation" box to make room for electronics. And I will savor those moments when my youngest is still not too proud to snuggle up next to his mommy & tell me that he needs some love. Being a mom is having the guts to learn to let them go while still gently holding their hands.

I'M BACK!!!

For those of you who are so generous with your time to take a moment out of your busy day to follow my blog, I first would like to thank you.  I've been on an extended leave due to the fact that I didn't want to write a blog just for the sake of writing a blog.  It's important for me to actually have something to say.  I feel that in this newest age of technology & instant access to anything 24 hours a day, we are so desperate to stay relevant that sometimes we fall victim to the pressure of hitting the internet for fear of being "dropped"... whether by fellow bloggers, via Twitter, etc...  I had an epiphany.  Regardless of what anyone or any group might believe, we are all relevant with no expiration date.

Recently over the last few months I have been struggling with the powerless feeling of being forced to deal with things that are so frustrating & a waste of good energy.  To quote my husband... energy vampires.  I will explain.  An energy vampire by definition is someone who sucks the life right out of you in every sense.  They leave you feeling miserable, angry and exhausted.  There is a very simple test you can do to know for sure if you have been attacked by an energy vampire.  First, ask yourself if you avoid answering the phone whenever the person in question calls for fear of having your entire week ruined.  Then you assess your feelings after you have had any contact with this person.  If they leave you feeling absolutely hopeless & miserable, you must confront the monster by making them aware of how their words or actions are affecting you.  If they are unable to acknowledge your feelings & simply go for the jugular with more mean spiritedness... you are indeed in the presence of an energy vampire who must be destroyed immediately.

Yes, yes I know... easier said than done, especially when you are RELATED to such a horrible creature or are at least forced to deal with them on a regular basis through circumstances beyond your control!!!  Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.  Many of us are victims to such atrocities every single day.  Since it is impossible to change other people's behavior, the only course of action is the choice you make when confronted with these people.  One of the important lessons I have recently learned is that these people only have real power when we give it to them.  Why do we do that?  Why do we sit on the phone & listen to things we don't have to?  Why do we answer the door when we don't want to?  The answer is WE DON'T.  Stop saying yes to things that you don't want and aren't good for you.  You don't have to allow someone within your circle without your permission, even if they are your family or someone you have to deal with every day.  Respect yourself enough not to be sucked in to their perpetual drama & sense of entitlement.  It's funny how drama has a tendency to dwindle when there is no audience...

When you find your mind drifting to the place of worry and fear that is brought on by the actions of others, replace it with a pleasant thought or action.  Make a commitment to yourself NOT to let another person who doesn't have your best interest in mind have control over your life.  Own your thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes, these bad influences in our lives don't deserve etiquette or political correctness... a heaping dose of the truth often is the best course of action for everyone!  If we all make ourselves a priority then perhaps we can defeat these evil monsters & rid the world of them all.

THE ART OF APPRECIATION

One of the most important life lessons that I am passing on to my children is the art of appreciation.  I literally mean the word a-p-p-r-e-c-i-a-t-i-o-n in every aspect of one's life.  I find that so many people are busy coveting what they don't have or focusing on what they wish they had that they never take a moment to truly appreciate the treasures they actually possess.  We often day dream or fantasize of a different life or a different "piece" to our lives that the real tangibles get overlooked.  I'm not talking about goals or aspirations either.  I am referring to those unhealthy "I hate my life" moments.  We've all had them and some of us more than others.  The real tragedy is when you so want something more that you fail to appreciate what you have.

There is something so peaceful about the ability to be content.  Life can be an endless treadmill to nowhere if you let it.  Why do we compare our own worth to someone else?  Why are our own standards determined by the actions of others?  Why is it that we are so afraid of being labeled that we force ourselves and our families to fit into a box that was constructed by other people's needs for approval?  The rush to keep up with others is an unfulfilling and exhausting waste of time.  It accomplishes absolutely nothing except to make you feel like less of a person.  It is a learned response to bad actions.

Take a few minutes either at the beginning or at the end of every day and list at least five things for which you are grateful.  My guess is that it will be difficult to stop at just five once you actually put pen to paper and can "see" the reality of your life before you.  The items on that list are often the very things that we take for granted... our health, our children's health, a job, a home, a car that starts each day or the comfort in knowing that you have a partner to share the ups and downs of life with.  When you take stock of what you DO have in life something amazing usually happens... you realize that there is actually very little that you are lacking.

Ultimately no one will remember what dress you wore to which party or what car you were driving two years from now.  Moments are what we remember rather than possessions.  Don't leave things undone and unsaid.  Rather than nagging your children about their socks on the floor, take a moment to remind them that they are your greatest accomplishment in life.  Instead of complaining about the way your husband loaded the dishwasher, just say thank you and mean it.  Before you go to sleep, tell everyone under your roof that you love them.  Those are the "things" that stay with us forever...

CHECK OUT THESE GREAT SITES!

Today I wanted to share a couple of wonderful sites I have found.  It's always exciting to find a new blog or website that you want to share with everyone.

My book, THE HAPPY WIFE & THE HAPPY MOTHER is being featured as a guest blog topic today at http://imaginationcafeblog.blogspot.com.  Be sure to visit her blog!

Also, FLWBooks  just hit 100,000 Twitter followers this weekend.  Hoping to find a good book to read over the Memorial Day weekend but don't have time to sift through a bookstore?   They've done the looking for you!  They have lists of "books that are so good that they keep you up past your bed time!" If you're looking for great book recommendations? Check out Flashlight Worthy."

Have a great day!

THE BEST GIFT A WIFE CAN GIVE HER HUSBAND

As wives we are asked to wear multiple hats... partner, confidante, friend, lover, organizer, nurturer, sounding block, magician, miracle worker and the list goes on and on.  We are asked to give so much more than it seems we ourselves are given at times.  Our capacity to handle a multitude of problems at once is staggering.  I actually overheard my husband giving advice to a newlywed husband on the eve of his wedding.  He whispered, "Your wife will be able to do so many things that it will make your head spin.  She will instinctively know how to love and nurture your children.  You will watch with amazement and simply be in awe of her... so just love her all the time."  He had no idea that I heard him say those things but I have thought of that comment many times throughout our marriage.  I remember that he thinks that of me those moments when I am the most frustrated with him or am feeling overworked and under-appreciated.  He is in awe of me...  Somehow, those words just give me the strength to push through the frustration and sometimes the tears.

It also makes me wonder where he finds his strength in his times of need.  I hope it is me.  A husband needs his wife to believe in him, even when he doesn't believe in himself... especially when he doesn't believe in himself.  He needs your strength when he can't find his own courage and your support in the event of failure.  He needs your comfort when he is broken and your wisdom when decisions need to be made.  He needs you to build him up, especially in front of your children so that they have confidence in his ability to lead your family.  He needs for you to believe in him, even if you are scared of where you are going.  Trust in him.  Most of all, he needs your unconditional love and the knowledge that you are proud of him regardless of his triumphs or failures.  Your belief in him will give him the courage to be so much more than he knew was possible for himself.

Time is fleeting and once it is gone it is gone forever.  Don't miss an opportunity to tell your husband that you are proud of him or that you genuinely appreciate him and all that he does for your family.  Too often our praise is showered upon people who don't truly have a vested interest in our lives.  Let there be nothing left unsaid or undone between you and know that the best gift you can give your husband is your faith in him.

Guest Blog by: Melanie Marie Shifflett Rider

It's my pleasure today to host a guest blog that celebrates the relationship most of us cherish the most, the one we have with our mother. Presented by XOXO Publishing, a book so touching you will all want to order a copy immediately titled, TEA FOR MOM & ME: AN ANTHOLOGY OF STORIES AND RECIPES ABOUT A MOTHER'S LOVE. A percentage of each book sold will be donated to the Canadian and American Cancer Societies. Enjoy!

Celebrating “Mom”:

“One Day to say Thank You”

“Mom’s” or “Mother’s” a day of their own to Thank them for all their caring and loving in our lives I do believe is not enough for these women who have sacrificed so much in our lives and centuries past and for centuries to come. 

They have given their lives for us to survive and live better for all their compassion and efforts for our futures as their children.

They have fought men and famine and have traveled many miles in their lives.

They have endured husbands and wars and anything that stood in their way of raising children to better all of us.

Being raised Appalachian I have followed my families History and found they suffered quietly and followed their hearts for equality and happiness for thierselves and a better life for the children they raised.

A calm statement “women stand together and persevere in the volcanism’s of life”.

I sometimes boil at the statement” behind every success vile man stands a good women”.

I believe it should read” behind every man stands the backbone of our Country ,a women, a wife and a mother who has sacrificed all to survive and be given much more credit ”.

Women , mom, mother’s has been the backbone of all our lives.

They have survived hell on earth just to be strong and counted as equals in their own times.

We all would not be here today if it were not for the mom’s or mother’s that fought wars and tended mankind .

In documenting History I wonder how it could have all accomplished.

Looking deeply I can see they survived England and came to the New World and walked with a strength many could not have possessed.

Mankind would not have survived without the strength and the will of mother’s and their insight to raise their children with loving hearts and compassion the world over.

I do believe that no women ever stood behind a man but was God’s messenger for all mankind to have survived all the cruelties that beget centuries past and even today show compassion ,strength and abilities to make a better world yet for all their children to come as they have done so with courage in centuries past.

My belief in closing is we will one day have a Women President and yes, it will be a mom, mother, and that will have the strength and compassion needed to save the human race as she has always done in the past.

“Mother’s Day “ is an Honor to many women and today in Washington DC in the United States where a Museum being built by Donations for a Historical Women’s Museum that shows the bravery and strength that Honor’s our women , mom’s and mother’s finally for their roles in survival and compassion of our fellow men .

Yes compassion for our men as women have been the backbone and their strength the world over.

My hats off to XoXo Publishing™ a div of Ninni Group Inc. for seeing the insight into “Mother’s”,” mom’s. for their Anthology “Tea For Mom and Me” which has shown a Celebration to these women and also shows the compassion for Charity and a worthwhile help to Cancer and Life .

There is no greater medicine on earth than Love and Compassion and that is what

XoXo Publishing™ a div of Ninni Group Inc has created and possesses in the Anthology “Tea For Mom and Me”.

I so hope many will purchase their copy of this amazing Anthology to Celebrate Mom and to help so many others.

Melanie Marie Shifflett Ridner

One Book.  One Person.  A World of Difference. 
Tea For Mom & Me: A Mother's Day Anthology

http://www.xoxoxpublishing.com

THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN AHEAD OF YOUR OWN AGENDA

We have a divorce rate in our society of over 50%. That means that there are homes in which children either live with only one of their biological parents and or a stepparent. Sometimes these environments can be unhealthy or even toxic for those children if either or both parents are engaged in psychological warfare with one another, whereby those children become collateral damage. Children in such situations find themselves unwilling and defenseless participants in a war that they have nothing to do with. Bitter or feuding former spouses often use their children as pawns as a means to hurt one another without ever considering the ramifications of such actions.

Children of divorced parents should NEVER be expected to choose one parent over the other when they are made up of and personally identify with both parents. Ex spouses who make disparaging remarks about one another fail to realize that every time they verbally attack the other parent, they are indeed attacking their child as well. A young child who doesn't have the maturity to voice their opposition to such remarks might remain silent for years, but eventually they grow up and develop a mind of their own and find their voice. By the time that happens they have usually learned to tune out EVERYTHING that a bitter parent says and decided that their parent has absolutely no credibility whatsoever.

Just because a divorced parent might see themselves as a victim doesn't mean that you can convince your child to see you in that capacity. No child wants to be given a guilt trip for not feeling the same way that a disgruntled parent feels about the other parent. To these children you become an energy vampire that drains the life from them and they will learn to simply avoid you at all costs... They almost never see things from your jaded perspective; they just resent the attempt to turn them against the other parent.

Teach your children that their hearts are like expandable balloons with an endless capacity for love. Why would you deny your child the opportunity to have a good relationship with someone who only wants to give their time and love to your child? It is selfish and immature to try to poison your child's mind against a stepparent because you are insecure. Think of how respected you might be if you could step outside of your own hatred and anger associated with a divorce, regardless of the events that led to it, and put your child's needs first. Can you honestly say that you want a person who will potentially spend a significant amount of time with your child when they are away from you to feel negatively toward them because your child won't open their heart to a stepparent without the fear of retribution from you?

Divorce is hard enough on children without brining in adult garbage to the equation. Children deserve the ability to grow up in a non hostile environment where their parents are people that they can trust and rely on. Manipulation of a child is a sin for which there is no absolution.