Guest Blog by: Melanie Marie Shifflett Rider

It's my pleasure today to host a guest blog that celebrates the relationship most of us cherish the most, the one we have with our mother. Presented by XOXO Publishing, a book so touching you will all want to order a copy immediately titled, TEA FOR MOM & ME: AN ANTHOLOGY OF STORIES AND RECIPES ABOUT A MOTHER'S LOVE. A percentage of each book sold will be donated to the Canadian and American Cancer Societies. Enjoy!

Celebrating “Mom”:

“One Day to say Thank You”

“Mom’s” or “Mother’s” a day of their own to Thank them for all their caring and loving in our lives I do believe is not enough for these women who have sacrificed so much in our lives and centuries past and for centuries to come. 

They have given their lives for us to survive and live better for all their compassion and efforts for our futures as their children.

They have fought men and famine and have traveled many miles in their lives.

They have endured husbands and wars and anything that stood in their way of raising children to better all of us.

Being raised Appalachian I have followed my families History and found they suffered quietly and followed their hearts for equality and happiness for thierselves and a better life for the children they raised.

A calm statement “women stand together and persevere in the volcanism’s of life”.

I sometimes boil at the statement” behind every success vile man stands a good women”.

I believe it should read” behind every man stands the backbone of our Country ,a women, a wife and a mother who has sacrificed all to survive and be given much more credit ”.

Women , mom, mother’s has been the backbone of all our lives.

They have survived hell on earth just to be strong and counted as equals in their own times.

We all would not be here today if it were not for the mom’s or mother’s that fought wars and tended mankind .

In documenting History I wonder how it could have all accomplished.

Looking deeply I can see they survived England and came to the New World and walked with a strength many could not have possessed.

Mankind would not have survived without the strength and the will of mother’s and their insight to raise their children with loving hearts and compassion the world over.

I do believe that no women ever stood behind a man but was God’s messenger for all mankind to have survived all the cruelties that beget centuries past and even today show compassion ,strength and abilities to make a better world yet for all their children to come as they have done so with courage in centuries past.

My belief in closing is we will one day have a Women President and yes, it will be a mom, mother, and that will have the strength and compassion needed to save the human race as she has always done in the past.

“Mother’s Day “ is an Honor to many women and today in Washington DC in the United States where a Museum being built by Donations for a Historical Women’s Museum that shows the bravery and strength that Honor’s our women , mom’s and mother’s finally for their roles in survival and compassion of our fellow men .

Yes compassion for our men as women have been the backbone and their strength the world over.

My hats off to XoXo Publishing™ a div of Ninni Group Inc. for seeing the insight into “Mother’s”,” mom’s. for their Anthology “Tea For Mom and Me” which has shown a Celebration to these women and also shows the compassion for Charity and a worthwhile help to Cancer and Life .

There is no greater medicine on earth than Love and Compassion and that is what

XoXo Publishing™ a div of Ninni Group Inc has created and possesses in the Anthology “Tea For Mom and Me”.

I so hope many will purchase their copy of this amazing Anthology to Celebrate Mom and to help so many others.

Melanie Marie Shifflett Ridner

One Book.  One Person.  A World of Difference. 
Tea For Mom & Me: A Mother's Day Anthology

http://www.xoxoxpublishing.com

THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN AHEAD OF YOUR OWN AGENDA

We have a divorce rate in our society of over 50%. That means that there are homes in which children either live with only one of their biological parents and or a stepparent. Sometimes these environments can be unhealthy or even toxic for those children if either or both parents are engaged in psychological warfare with one another, whereby those children become collateral damage. Children in such situations find themselves unwilling and defenseless participants in a war that they have nothing to do with. Bitter or feuding former spouses often use their children as pawns as a means to hurt one another without ever considering the ramifications of such actions.

Children of divorced parents should NEVER be expected to choose one parent over the other when they are made up of and personally identify with both parents. Ex spouses who make disparaging remarks about one another fail to realize that every time they verbally attack the other parent, they are indeed attacking their child as well. A young child who doesn't have the maturity to voice their opposition to such remarks might remain silent for years, but eventually they grow up and develop a mind of their own and find their voice. By the time that happens they have usually learned to tune out EVERYTHING that a bitter parent says and decided that their parent has absolutely no credibility whatsoever.

Just because a divorced parent might see themselves as a victim doesn't mean that you can convince your child to see you in that capacity. No child wants to be given a guilt trip for not feeling the same way that a disgruntled parent feels about the other parent. To these children you become an energy vampire that drains the life from them and they will learn to simply avoid you at all costs... They almost never see things from your jaded perspective; they just resent the attempt to turn them against the other parent.

Teach your children that their hearts are like expandable balloons with an endless capacity for love. Why would you deny your child the opportunity to have a good relationship with someone who only wants to give their time and love to your child? It is selfish and immature to try to poison your child's mind against a stepparent because you are insecure. Think of how respected you might be if you could step outside of your own hatred and anger associated with a divorce, regardless of the events that led to it, and put your child's needs first. Can you honestly say that you want a person who will potentially spend a significant amount of time with your child when they are away from you to feel negatively toward them because your child won't open their heart to a stepparent without the fear of retribution from you?

Divorce is hard enough on children without brining in adult garbage to the equation. Children deserve the ability to grow up in a non hostile environment where their parents are people that they can trust and rely on. Manipulation of a child is a sin for which there is no absolution.

Twitter Moms: The Influential Moms Network

THE VALUE OF BEING A GOOD LISTENER

We've all heard the old cliche that people love to talk about themselves and most of the time it is the truth.  How many of us know people who are actually good listeners?  For me there is nothing more frustrating than to try to have a conversation with someone who asks me a question and then moves on to another topic before I've even had a chance to answer!  Ask yourself this question... When someone is talking to you are you truly engaged in what they are saying or are you already thinking about what YOU want to say next and actually just pretending to listen.  Do you give the other person eye contact or are you distracted?  If you answered yes to either one then you might not be a very good listener.

The good news is that it's never too late to learn how to be a better communicator.  The problem most often is that we are usually distracted by the many other things going on either around us or in our heads.  We are so used to having to "multi task" to get through the day that we often multi task through our conversations and relationships suffer in the process.  If someone wants to have a conversation with you and you don't have the time to give them your full attention, give them the courtesy of letting them know that and offer to postpone the conversation until you can actually focus on the conversation.  Realize that you aren't doing anyone any favors by pretending to be engaged in a conversation.

Remember also that you are a living example to your children every day.  The way you interact with them is the way they will interact with the world.  Teach them how to be good communicators through your example with them.  If you are the one who is always talking then chances are you actually absorb very little information.  There is much more to be learned by listening in almost every circumstance.  The art of listening is also a good character trait.  It demonstrates self restraint, kindness, generosity and compassion.  By observation these are traits which are lacking in society today.  If everyone took the time to slow down and consider someone else we would greatly improve the quality of our OWN lives in the process simply by default...

"It is better to be silent and be thought ignorant than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE IMPORTANCE OF "REAL" COMMUNICATION

Recently after a movie my husband and I witnessed something beyond bizarre in the lobby.  We were "trying" to walk either behind, around or past a group of young teenage girls who were so busy texting that they were oblivious to the fact that they were walking in circles and actually going nowhere.  The most disturbing part of this phenomenon was that they were texting each other!!!  We didn't realize the absurdity of the situation until one girl said to another girl within a foot of her, "Hey, like what is your answer???  I just texted you and you didn't like text me back!!!"  What neither of them realized was that they could have actually had a genuine conversation in less time.  My husband and I just looked at one another trying to grasp the depth of insanity that we were witnessing.  We both concluded that it was indeed an epidemic.

If these young people don't learn how to properly communicate with one another before adulthood then how are they expected to attain these skills?  I have noticed an alarming trend in my household whereby it is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve eye contact when speaking to my teenage daughter.  Her first reaction is to look down at approximately the place she would be holding her cell phone to text.  This has led to some stricter guidelines in our home regarding technology.  For example, whether we are eating in the dining room or dining out, there are no cell phones allowed, nor do we answer the house phone during dinner.  There are no cell phones allowed in what I consider "common areas" such as the family room, game room or kitchen, etc...  The are required to shut down all technology at 9:00 pm, including TV, computers, cell phones and ipods.  Although the kindle is making literature and the written word accessible via our PC, I still prefer to hold an old fashioned book with real paper in my hands.  I am encouraging my children to do the same on a regular basis.  A book is far easier to hold your attention without the temptation of "clicking" to something else within a few seconds.

I have serious concerns about the lack of civility in our society that I believe is in part related to impersonal nature of "techno" or "cyber" communication.  We often put very little thought into an email or a text message whereas if you are having a telephone conversation you are at least connected in a more personal sense and you are aware of your tone, manner and presentation, etc.  People seldom make eye contact with other people, let alone smile at one another.  How often do you see someone hold the door for another person or even worse fail to say "thank you" when someone actually does?

In this cyber age of living something has gotten lost along the way.  I miss real cards with stamps and addresses on them; an e-card is just not the same.  I would prefer a thank you note as opposed to an email.  I believe that there is a balance between all things and that our youth are missing out on it.  We have to teach them how to have real dialogue with their peers and authority figures so that they can actually have meaningful relationships with people in terms of something other than acronyms.  Take the time to actually "talk" with your children and teach them the importance of civility and common courtesy as we shape what inevitable becomes our own future.

PARENTAL ANGST

From the moment we become parents we realize that for the rest of our lives we will never truly have a peaceful night's rest.  Not really.  Once you lay your eyes on that baby you know in that instant that for the rest of your life you will always worry about them... small things, large things, insignificant things... all things.  With each milestone achieved you will declare that this is the stage in your child's life that you want to freeze and keep them there forever, until the next milestone, etc...  Every time you think that you can't possibly love them more or enjoy them more then by some miraculous intervention you discover that you do.  Somehow those endless sleepless nights in the beginning that leave you so far beyond exhaustion eventually give way to more restful nights.  The pendulum eventually swings the other direction in which those nights that lack rest are the ones in which you are awake waiting for a fever to break, awaiting the phone call letting you know that they are safe or waiting for them to walk through the door and know that they are safely under your roof so that you can finally go to sleep.

In between those stages there are a million different experiences you will have with your children that will cause your heart to ache and to burst with joy.  There is nothing that can prepare us as parents for the first time your child comes home with a river of tears because they have had their feelings hurt or for their first inconsolable heartbreak.  Those are the moments that you realize there is nothing you can say that will make them feel any better; you can only hold them and love them and tell them that it will pass. All those things that we want to shield our children from that are unavoidable in life.  We want to protect them forever and realize that we cannot.  Each time your child is in pain whether it is emotional or due to some physical injury your heart feels like it is being torn from your chest and at that moment you would give anything to trade places with them in the hopes that you could somehow spare them their agony.

Our hearts swell with pride at the accomplishments achieved and by watching our children do more than they thought they were capable of.  The older they get the faster the time goes by and all the wishing in the world won't slow it down.  Each school year seems to fly by faster and faster as your child grows taller and taller.  Eventually they need you less and less (for their basic needs) and begin to declare their independence (at least in public) which is gut wrenching to endure.  It is hard when they no longer want to be read a bedtime story or wish to hold your hand or think that you are the most magical person in the world because you mysteriously solve all things...

I like to peek on each of my children after they are asleep and before I retire at night.  As I look at their peaceful faces I can still catch glimpses of the babies I cradled in my arms.  If I look at my 13 year old's hands I can still remember how it felt when they fit snugly in mine and when she would look up at me with eyes that thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world.  When I see my 11 year old fixing her own hair in the mirror, I still see the reflection of a three year old standing on a step stool wearing my brand new lipstick all over her face.  When I hear my 9 year old singing a song while she practices her guitar, I still hear her singing one of her favorite nursery rhymes that she would beg me to listen to over and over.  And when I hear my 3 year old cry during a tantrum, sometimes he trails off into that same familiar cry that I first heard the moment he was born; the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

Each day with our children is a gift, even the difficult ones.  We have them for such a short time before we send them out into the world.  Hopefully, if we have done a good job then they will be prepared and they will always return to us.  Don't say things in anger that you can never take back for they last a lifetime.  Be patient above all things as it will come back to you tenfold.  Be honest, even when it's hard. Be their parent rather than their "friend", as that will come later.  Always part on good terms.  Never say goodbye with distance between you.  Make sure that you tell them that you love them every single day without exception and be the person that they can always depend on, as others will surely let them down.

Parenthood is our biggest demonstration of faith as human beings.  There is no instruction booklet and nothing but contradicting information from every angle.  We somehow have faith that we can do what we think we aren't capable of doing from the moment they come into our lives until the moment we leave theirs.  Life is what happens in between and the lessons we teach them give them the tools to have their own faith in not only the world but also in themselves.

DON'T MISS THOSE OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE MEMORIES

How many of you start your day behind before you even get out of bed???  More often than not you were the last to go to sleep and the first to rise (both in the dark).  Hard as you try you just can't manage to cram everything that presents itself as a need into a 24 hour period!  Your to do list is long and often impossible to achieve; therefore, you have set yourselves up for failure with no hope of redemption.  The obvious downside of "motherdom" is that there are simply no vacations, sick days or personal days coupled with the reality that the pay is either non existent or miniscule.  Clearly, we aren't in it for the tangible rewards, but rather for the rewards that are unseen.

Let's be honest. We put more stress on ourselves than anyone else.  Why?  Who are we trying to impress?  Most people are worrying about putting on a show for people who aren't even watching or care!  Learn to be organized.  Set realistic goals that are actually achievable and stop wasting what precious time you have with your family by being someone who flies through their lives in a blur of constant motion.  There are special opportunities every day to make a lasting memory.  Sometimes it's as simple as taking five extra minutes at the end of the day to read a story to your child and giving them your undivided attention.  It is saying "Yes" to your teenager who is wanting to learn to drive by letting them circle around in a parking lot for ten minutes rather than telling them that you just don't have the time...  It is using your "nice" dishes for a meal once a week to make the people you love feel special or simply giving your husband a passionate kiss that is unexpected.  Whenever moments present themselves be ready and WILLING!

The moments your family will remember throughout their lives are the ones that they connected with you in.  Those are the good ones... the ones that stick.  Even the simple ones.  So when you go to bed tonight, rearrange your to do list with the important things like 1. Spend ten minutes alone with each of my children tomorrow  2. Kiss my husband  3. Be grateful for the gift of my family, etc...  When you re-prioritize your life you will find that those things that used to seem so important can usually just wait.  The rewards will be huge...