LEARNING TO LET GO...

Why can't our children just stay young forever???  I mean is it really too much to ask?  Even though motherhood is a daunting job, I at least feel a sense of safety just knowing that my children are under my roof when they are not in school.  I am on the verge of having a daughter with a driver's permit within the year & another daughter who wants to express herself through her appearance... nothing drastic, just an earring.  However, both seem to have me white knuckling at the moment.  I realize that they are not miniature versions of myself but rather unique individuals who are trying their best to navigate through life.   It is such a fine line to walk as a parent of knowing when to say no & knowing when to let go a little even though it is scary.

Motherhood is truly a sacred journey. You experience every moment of your child's life before they are born & for several years after that. Your heart breaks every time they shed a tear or at those moments when little bits of their innocence is inevitably lost. There is so much that you want to protect them from, teach them & yet at times just simply bask in the glow of them.  I remember telling myself during those sleepless newborn nights that I would have years to sleep once they no longer needed me as much and then I would long for those nights I thought would never pass.  How quickly it passes.

I have learned that I can not take away their pain; I can only hold them while they cry & promise them that it will get better.  I have marveled at their brilliance & laughed at their mistakes. They have made me proud & surprised me at times when they do something unexpected that let's me know that somewhere deep within they ARE actually listening.

Ultimately what it all comes down to is this... I don't want them to ever leave. The thought of falling asleep at night without them here makes it hard to breathe. I love them so much that I simply can't imagine my children not filling me entire day. My dad assures me that God has a plan & that teenagers become so difficult the last year they are at home that you are actually counting down the days until they move out... We shall see.

So as I face each new day with courage I will learn to let go & trust that I have given them the tools to be the people God intends for them to be. I will say yes when my teenage daughter asks to let her drive & try not to grip the door handle so hard & let her know that she is doing a good job. I will say yes to an earring for my daughter that I wouldn't get myself & be proud of her ability to set herself apart from her sisters in her own way. I will try not to cry when I see the Barbies going into the "donation" box to make room for electronics. And I will savor those moments when my youngest is still not too proud to snuggle up next to his mommy & tell me that he needs some love. Being a mom is having the guts to learn to let them go while still gently holding their hands.