We've all heard the old cliche that people love to talk about themselves and most of the time it is the truth. How many of us know people who are actually good listeners? For me there is nothing more frustrating than to try to have a conversation with someone who asks me a question and then moves on to another topic before I've even had a chance to answer! Ask yourself this question... When someone is talking to you are you truly engaged in what they are saying or are you already thinking about what YOU want to say next and actually just pretending to listen. Do you give the other person eye contact or are you distracted? If you answered yes to either one then you might not be a very good listener.
The good news is that it's never too late to learn how to be a better communicator. The problem most often is that we are usually distracted by the many other things going on either around us or in our heads. We are so used to having to "multi task" to get through the day that we often multi task through our conversations and relationships suffer in the process. If someone wants to have a conversation with you and you don't have the time to give them your full attention, give them the courtesy of letting them know that and offer to postpone the conversation until you can actually focus on the conversation. Realize that you aren't doing anyone any favors by pretending to be engaged in a conversation.
Remember also that you are a living example to your children every day. The way you interact with them is the way they will interact with the world. Teach them how to be good communicators through your example with them. If you are the one who is always talking then chances are you actually absorb very little information. There is much more to be learned by listening in almost every circumstance. The art of listening is also a good character trait. It demonstrates self restraint, kindness, generosity and compassion. By observation these are traits which are lacking in society today. If everyone took the time to slow down and consider someone else we would greatly improve the quality of our OWN lives in the process simply by default...
"It is better to be silent and be thought ignorant than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE IMPORTANCE OF "REAL" COMMUNICATION
Recently after a movie my husband and I witnessed something beyond bizarre in the lobby. We were "trying" to walk either behind, around or past a group of young teenage girls who were so busy texting that they were oblivious to the fact that they were walking in circles and actually going nowhere. The most disturbing part of this phenomenon was that they were texting each other!!! We didn't realize the absurdity of the situation until one girl said to another girl within a foot of her, "Hey, like what is your answer??? I just texted you and you didn't like text me back!!!" What neither of them realized was that they could have actually had a genuine conversation in less time. My husband and I just looked at one another trying to grasp the depth of insanity that we were witnessing. We both concluded that it was indeed an epidemic.
If these young people don't learn how to properly communicate with one another before adulthood then how are they expected to attain these skills? I have noticed an alarming trend in my household whereby it is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve eye contact when speaking to my teenage daughter. Her first reaction is to look down at approximately the place she would be holding her cell phone to text. This has led to some stricter guidelines in our home regarding technology. For example, whether we are eating in the dining room or dining out, there are no cell phones allowed, nor do we answer the house phone during dinner. There are no cell phones allowed in what I consider "common areas" such as the family room, game room or kitchen, etc... The are required to shut down all technology at 9:00 pm, including TV, computers, cell phones and ipods. Although the kindle is making literature and the written word accessible via our PC, I still prefer to hold an old fashioned book with real paper in my hands. I am encouraging my children to do the same on a regular basis. A book is far easier to hold your attention without the temptation of "clicking" to something else within a few seconds.
I have serious concerns about the lack of civility in our society that I believe is in part related to impersonal nature of "techno" or "cyber" communication. We often put very little thought into an email or a text message whereas if you are having a telephone conversation you are at least connected in a more personal sense and you are aware of your tone, manner and presentation, etc. People seldom make eye contact with other people, let alone smile at one another. How often do you see someone hold the door for another person or even worse fail to say "thank you" when someone actually does?
In this cyber age of living something has gotten lost along the way. I miss real cards with stamps and addresses on them; an e-card is just not the same. I would prefer a thank you note as opposed to an email. I believe that there is a balance between all things and that our youth are missing out on it. We have to teach them how to have real dialogue with their peers and authority figures so that they can actually have meaningful relationships with people in terms of something other than acronyms. Take the time to actually "talk" with your children and teach them the importance of civility and common courtesy as we shape what inevitable becomes our own future.
If these young people don't learn how to properly communicate with one another before adulthood then how are they expected to attain these skills? I have noticed an alarming trend in my household whereby it is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve eye contact when speaking to my teenage daughter. Her first reaction is to look down at approximately the place she would be holding her cell phone to text. This has led to some stricter guidelines in our home regarding technology. For example, whether we are eating in the dining room or dining out, there are no cell phones allowed, nor do we answer the house phone during dinner. There are no cell phones allowed in what I consider "common areas" such as the family room, game room or kitchen, etc... The are required to shut down all technology at 9:00 pm, including TV, computers, cell phones and ipods. Although the kindle is making literature and the written word accessible via our PC, I still prefer to hold an old fashioned book with real paper in my hands. I am encouraging my children to do the same on a regular basis. A book is far easier to hold your attention without the temptation of "clicking" to something else within a few seconds.
I have serious concerns about the lack of civility in our society that I believe is in part related to impersonal nature of "techno" or "cyber" communication. We often put very little thought into an email or a text message whereas if you are having a telephone conversation you are at least connected in a more personal sense and you are aware of your tone, manner and presentation, etc. People seldom make eye contact with other people, let alone smile at one another. How often do you see someone hold the door for another person or even worse fail to say "thank you" when someone actually does?
In this cyber age of living something has gotten lost along the way. I miss real cards with stamps and addresses on them; an e-card is just not the same. I would prefer a thank you note as opposed to an email. I believe that there is a balance between all things and that our youth are missing out on it. We have to teach them how to have real dialogue with their peers and authority figures so that they can actually have meaningful relationships with people in terms of something other than acronyms. Take the time to actually "talk" with your children and teach them the importance of civility and common courtesy as we shape what inevitable becomes our own future.
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