THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN AHEAD OF YOUR OWN AGENDA

We have a divorce rate in our society of over 50%. That means that there are homes in which children either live with only one of their biological parents and or a stepparent. Sometimes these environments can be unhealthy or even toxic for those children if either or both parents are engaged in psychological warfare with one another, whereby those children become collateral damage. Children in such situations find themselves unwilling and defenseless participants in a war that they have nothing to do with. Bitter or feuding former spouses often use their children as pawns as a means to hurt one another without ever considering the ramifications of such actions.

Children of divorced parents should NEVER be expected to choose one parent over the other when they are made up of and personally identify with both parents. Ex spouses who make disparaging remarks about one another fail to realize that every time they verbally attack the other parent, they are indeed attacking their child as well. A young child who doesn't have the maturity to voice their opposition to such remarks might remain silent for years, but eventually they grow up and develop a mind of their own and find their voice. By the time that happens they have usually learned to tune out EVERYTHING that a bitter parent says and decided that their parent has absolutely no credibility whatsoever.

Just because a divorced parent might see themselves as a victim doesn't mean that you can convince your child to see you in that capacity. No child wants to be given a guilt trip for not feeling the same way that a disgruntled parent feels about the other parent. To these children you become an energy vampire that drains the life from them and they will learn to simply avoid you at all costs... They almost never see things from your jaded perspective; they just resent the attempt to turn them against the other parent.

Teach your children that their hearts are like expandable balloons with an endless capacity for love. Why would you deny your child the opportunity to have a good relationship with someone who only wants to give their time and love to your child? It is selfish and immature to try to poison your child's mind against a stepparent because you are insecure. Think of how respected you might be if you could step outside of your own hatred and anger associated with a divorce, regardless of the events that led to it, and put your child's needs first. Can you honestly say that you want a person who will potentially spend a significant amount of time with your child when they are away from you to feel negatively toward them because your child won't open their heart to a stepparent without the fear of retribution from you?

Divorce is hard enough on children without brining in adult garbage to the equation. Children deserve the ability to grow up in a non hostile environment where their parents are people that they can trust and rely on. Manipulation of a child is a sin for which there is no absolution.